Doing the hard work first…..learning to love yourself before setting up your online profile.

We have heard it a zillion times from half as many sources… must love thy self before ever being able to love another.

Seems so simple…"I like my hair today…my bank account is pretty good…..I don't have many creditors calling me…."surface surface surface.

Do we look at this task of "self love" as a checklist of what a potential partner might be looking for or are we actually taking a hard look at loving the person inside? The whole person, beautiful flaws and all? Loving ourself for the reason of loving ourself, not as a step to finding love with someone else. Investing in ourselves first.

The dating apps today make us all so dispensable. Knowing that you're not only being judged by your "cover", "profile"and the texted responses before you ever meet a person is not for those faint of heart. Texting has replaced the old "first date." Void of emotion, the words on the screen represent everything about you. Blah blah blah. When you've lost interest? You can just delete the other person and move on. No need to say a word. Gone.

I have a few good guy friends who share dating woes with me. I've seen my "competition" and have seen pictures that are enticing and salacious on these apps. I may or may not have posted them as well, but, it was advertising in the game. Does anyone post a picture of them first out of bed in the am? Hell no. Made up, boobs up, staged pictures, some of these are professionally taken. Posts of people with celebrities or better looking friends….why? What are we trying to connect with and why do we think the truth won't come out? I know that there are people out there who only want to text and talk. That's ok if that's all you want too.

Believe me, I'm writing about my own experiences. Many friends have shared their experiences as well. Jilted, led on, catfished (really wtf is the purpose of that?!)…it's happened to everyone and we've wasted time with people who aren't authentic. Have there been days that I felt like a million bucks because 10 guys were texting me through an app? Such an ego boost. Have I felt jilted because someone deleted me that I thought I had "chemistry" with? Devastated. It's the social version of crack–the highs are addictively high and the lows are gutterville low.

My point is that it's a dangerous game if you don't care about yourself. You can lose your identity in an instant inside of a virtual world. Is it necessary? It's certainly where everyone is at one point or another. All I'm saying here is make sure that you are strong and sure of what you hope to achieve before you venture out into the land of the Swipers.

The day I woke up and realized they were all just words on a screen and that the connection wasn't real, I deleted it all. I know what "real" feels like and that's what I want in my life.
The day I deleted my profiles I began an intimate relationship with the one person I can always depend on….

Love yourself most tonight,

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