It is amazing, truly, how much we can internalize our surroundings. What is it that makes us take actions, words or lack thereof so personally? Or, what is it that we are lacking? Why do we search for comfort outside of ourself?
There are physical items and symbols that bring comfort. A baby learns to settle down when she feels even the tiny silky tag on her wubby. (Substitute any lovey term that your most recent experience with a young child used….) You've seen the look in a young couples' eyes when they realize that they left their child's wubby behind at their last stop. Yes. Sheer Terror.
We are creatures of habit but more so of comfort. We find peace in the easy and the effortless and euphoria in the safety of familiar. Stepping out of that familiar box and working toward something else is terrifying. Letting those "passies" or "wubbies"
Go to the appropriate fairy is more terrifying to the parent than the child giving them up. Why?
Because it's the beginning of the next chapter. It's the step into the unknown. It's moving towards some place where we must learn to satisfy a part of our safety that was taken care of by an object,a person or a position. We learn to incorporate things into positions that satisfy us when relationships don't provide what we need. Instead of working on them and maybe dissolving them, we bring more things into the equation to pacify and satiate us. Distract us. Or maybe it's not tangibles, maybe it's work, social media or projects around the house that keep us from working on what we really need.
If we don't do the work, Time goes on. The wubbies and the loveys take the place of the touches and the feelings. We put ourselves on the back burner and want everyone else to be happy. Except they aren't. Because if we aren't satisfied with ourselves we are teaching our kids to look for things to pacify them and make them happy. There is no greater statement than "If Momma (or Daddy) isn't happy, no one is happy". So true. Shit flows downhill.
No one and no thing can MAKE us happy. They can definitely try to steal your happy, but they can't give it back.
You have to believe in yourself. You have to get back to those things that make you truly smile. You know what you bring to the table and you know who you want at that table with you. If they don't want to be there or are compromising their seat, let them go find another table.
Allow basic joy back into the plan. Stop comparing your things to their things and get back to the business of sheer happiness. Shuck the shit and live more simply. Have you ever remembered seeing a happier girl than Laura Ingalls Wilder running down that hill on Little House on the Prairie? How is she breathing without an iPhone or internet? Happy as hell to be running in that field with her siblings, though.
Be grateful for three things every morning, making sure one is that you even woke up.
I'm a little grateful I saved my kids' wubbies for their kids to use someday……
Love yourself a little more tonight.