First of all, thank you to all who have reached out and asked where I’ve been. This one has taken awhile….I apologize, but again, thank you for your support.
We don’t come out or come up with a roadmap. Rarely are we not a product of both nature and nurture, but percentages vary individually.
If you’re born, raised and raising yours in a private community (read “Religious Parish) The nurture includes/included much more than just your family’s values. The course and the boundaries were tightened the longer you stayed. The parishioners wanted their say and opinion.
The beginning of the end for me was early in my raising years. Parishioners need a reason to drink. Hence the Bunko game of dice, food, prizes and booze. Women live for this night. A chance to get together with other ladies and discuss the latest goings on in the church, school or rumor mill. I was rarely able to attend because I worked evenings or was on call most nights.
This time I was able to leave work early. I walked into Bunko and realized I was 2-3 drinks behind them as the Eucharistic Minister and the Lector were holding court, talking about a child who had unruly behavior in the classroom and his broken home situation. When I looked around and confirmed his mother wasn’t there to defend him, I did. I had to. This wasn’t comfortable. These ladies were intimidating. They “held the keys” to the principals ear, the pastor and the rumor mill.
“Is this Catholic group of ladies really talking about a child without his mom here to defend him?” Standing there in scrubs, probably with blood or goo on me from work, I was shaking with anger.
Nothing. Silence. Crickets. The hypocrisy was there. I actually mustered “ I wonder what you say about me and my kids when I’m not here….” as I walked out the door.
When word got out a few years later that we were getting divorced, the sea parted. Everyone wanted a say. Many gave their advice. Some no longer acknowledged me. One of my best friends at the time called me at work to warn of my final damnation….and that I would be judged by God. Nice.
As time goes on, the cream has floated to the top. The “holier than thous” have had their own issues with unholy behavior. Some may say Karma, I just say it’s life. As soon as you point a finger, you’d better know that finger can come back on you and yours…..and may be 10 times worse.
Notice the ones who judge you the harshest….they are jealous of your strength and will to move forward. They are deathly afraid of standing up for them self against the Lector, Eucharistic Minister and the congregation. They would rather live how the community says they “Should” instead of how they wish they “COULD.” There is no God that says you must be miserable in order for him to love you.
As you distance yourself from them, pray for your haters, they really just want to be you.
Love yourself enough to make happiness a priority.