Your Gut is your Guide Baby–You Aren’t Crazy

How many times have you watched the news or an episode of Law & Order SVU and one of the victims will make the statement "I just had this feeling……"
How many times has it happened to you? That little voice or pang in your core that says something is "off" or "Danger Will Robinson!!!" In any situation, it doesn't have to be crime related (just saw that on a rerun), we question that voice. Sometimes we ignore that voice. Other times, someone else makes us think that listening to that feeling, pang or voice means that we are "insecure" or, God Forbid, crazy. Usually, the latter person's credibility or intentions are in question when those kind words are dropped on you.

But, think back on your life, when did you know something before it was actually known? How many times have you thought to yourself "Damnit I KNEW that was going to happen…." I'm certain you can say more than a few for every century you've been here. It's called "intuition."
"—A thing that one knows or considers likely from instinctive feeling rather than conscious reasoning."

Yep. It's a thing. Paying attention to our feelings and how situations and people make us feel does not make us crazy, it makes us strong. It's warding off danger instead of walking into the eye of the storm. It's taking another path because the hair on your neck stood up when you passed someone sitting in their car in a parking lot. It's walking away when we feel threatened.

It's feeling a not-so-great feeling and choosing to talk about it and fix it. Fixing things means that they aren't broken or damaged any more. Fixing things means that there won't be any more discomfort. Being quiet and leaving something to fester is not a fix. If you have an issue within yourself, you talk to a doctor or specialist. If you have an issue with someone else you talk with them about it. It's called "adulting." I'm not going to swallow my pain because you're uncomfortable. I'm
Uncomfortable when I'm
In pain. If communication is good, all can be turned around Or is a result of a misunderstanding. Whew, that was nice!

But, if it doesn't get fixed, and you still have those pangs inside, choose another path. No matter what someone tries to
Tell you, listen to your gut, every time.
You've never been crazy and you ain't startin today.

You can do this because you love yourself more today-
Stace

Really, it’s not about You

It is amazing, truly, how much we can internalize our surroundings. What is it that makes us take actions, words or lack thereof so personally? Or, what is it that we are lacking? Why do we search for comfort outside of ourself?

There are physical items and symbols that bring comfort. A baby learns to settle down when she feels even the tiny silky tag on her wubby. (Substitute any lovey term that your most recent experience with a young child used….) You've seen the look in a young couples' eyes when they realize that they left their child's wubby behind at their last stop. Yes. Sheer Terror.

We are creatures of habit but more so of comfort. We find peace in the easy and the effortless and euphoria in the safety of familiar. Stepping out of that familiar box and working toward something else is terrifying. Letting those "passies" or "wubbies"
Go to the appropriate fairy is more terrifying to the parent than the child giving them up. Why?

Because it's the beginning of the next chapter. It's the step into the unknown. It's moving towards some place where we must learn to satisfy a part of our safety that was taken care of by an object,a person or a position. We learn to incorporate things into positions that satisfy us when relationships don't provide what we need. Instead of working on them and maybe dissolving them, we bring more things into the equation to pacify and satiate us. Distract us. Or maybe it's not tangibles, maybe it's work, social media or projects around the house that keep us from working on what we really need.

If we don't do the work, Time goes on. The wubbies and the loveys take the place of the touches and the feelings. We put ourselves on the back burner and want everyone else to be happy. Except they aren't. Because if we aren't satisfied with ourselves we are teaching our kids to look for things to pacify them and make them happy. There is no greater statement than "If Momma (or Daddy) isn't happy, no one is happy". So true. Shit flows downhill.
No one and no thing can MAKE us happy. They can definitely try to steal your happy, but they can't give it back.

You have to believe in yourself. You have to get back to those things that make you truly smile. You know what you bring to the table and you know who you want at that table with you. If they don't want to be there or are compromising their seat, let them go find another table.

Allow basic joy back into the plan. Stop comparing your things to their things and get back to the business of sheer happiness. Shuck the shit and live more simply. Have you ever remembered seeing a happier girl than Laura Ingalls Wilder running down that hill on Little House on the Prairie? How is she breathing without an iPhone or internet? Happy as hell to be running in that field with her siblings, though.

Be grateful for three things every morning, making sure one is that you even woke up.

I'm a little grateful I saved my kids' wubbies for their kids to use someday……

Love yourself a little more tonight.
Stace

Doing the hard work first…..learning to love yourself before setting up your online profile.

We have heard it a zillion times from half as many sources…..one must love thy self before ever being able to love another.

Seems so simple…"I like my hair today…my bank account is pretty good…..I don't have many creditors calling me…."surface surface surface.

Do we look at this task of "self love" as a checklist of what a potential partner might be looking for or are we actually taking a hard look at loving the person inside? The whole person, beautiful flaws and all? Loving ourself for the reason of loving ourself, not as a step to finding love with someone else. Investing in ourselves first.

The dating apps today make us all so dispensable. Knowing that you're not only being judged by your "cover", "profile"and the texted responses before you ever meet a person is not for those faint of heart. Texting has replaced the old "first date." Void of emotion, the words on the screen represent everything about you. Blah blah blah. When you've lost interest? You can just delete the other person and move on. No need to say a word. Gone.

I have a few good guy friends who share dating woes with me. I've seen my "competition" and have seen pictures that are enticing and salacious on these apps. I may or may not have posted them as well, but, it was advertising in the game. Does anyone post a picture of them first out of bed in the am? Hell no. Made up, boobs up, staged pictures, some of these are professionally taken. Posts of people with celebrities or better looking friends….why? What are we trying to connect with and why do we think the truth won't come out? I know that there are people out there who only want to text and talk. That's ok if that's all you want too.

Believe me, I'm writing about my own experiences. Many friends have shared their experiences as well. Jilted, led on, catfished (really wtf is the purpose of that?!)…it's happened to everyone and we've wasted time with people who aren't authentic. Have there been days that I felt like a million bucks because 10 guys were texting me through an app? Such an ego boost. Have I felt jilted because someone deleted me that I thought I had "chemistry" with? Devastated. It's the social version of crack–the highs are addictively high and the lows are gutterville low.

My point is that it's a dangerous game if you don't care about yourself. You can lose your identity in an instant inside of a virtual world. Is it necessary? It's certainly where everyone is at one point or another. All I'm saying here is make sure that you are strong and sure of what you hope to achieve before you venture out into the land of the Swipers.

The day I woke up and realized they were all just words on a screen and that the connection wasn't real, I deleted it all. I know what "real" feels like and that's what I want in my life.
The day I deleted my profiles I began an intimate relationship with the one person I can always depend on….
Me.

Love yourself most tonight,
Stace

Perception

"Perception." To refer to it, I wanted to make sure I had the definition correct in my head. So, of course, I googled it. There were many sub definitions of "Perception". I'm going to go with the "psychology, zoology" (?!) definition here: "The neurophysiological processes, including memory, by which an organism becomes aware of and interprets external stimuli."

Primal perception. How we, as a living, breathing, feeling person absorb something, anything, external and manifest it in our mind and/or soul.

You can look at the same exact picture every morning at 6:59 am for 5 days straight. It may make you feel elation and joy for 3 days in a row and then indifference on the 4th day. Repulsion by the 5th. Why? Why do we vacillate? Why are we "all over the map" when the landscape hasn't changed at all?

One reason we perceive the way we do is because of experience. Connections. They say that smell is our strongest sense that can directly associate stimuli to an emotion:

"Smells get routed through your olfactory bulb, which the smell-analyzing region in your brain. It's closely connected to your amygdala and hippocampus, brain regions that stimulate memory and emotion."

I completely agree with this and can tell you, without hesitation, that there is certain fabric softener that takes me back to a very happy place in my youth. ❤️

But I digress, in the here and now, are we really giving our external stimuli the clean slate it/they individually deserve? Or are we immediately evaluating it/them based on our experience with something/someone else?

Please don't confuse this with "learning from your mistakes" or "paying heed to red flags" because I thoroughly believe in both. I'm simply referring to being Open. Yes, I capitalize important words and this is an important one for me. Are we Open to the opportunities and people that come into our life? Open to paths we never considered before someone else showed the way? Or, are we so firm and staunch in our path that we aren't paying attention anymore?

Be mindful of your perceptions and being Open. It may bring you joy in unexpected places, like the fabric softener aisle.

Love yourself more tonight,
Stace

My Baby

I have been an author for as long as I can remember. A romantic to the core, I ultimately find my greatest pleasure in making everyone else's life easier and happy. Sometimes, this comes at my own expense. Giving and giving without any refilling can ultimately exhaust you, not to mention your emotional and financial resources.

My children are my greatest achievement and their happiness will always be my medal. Their successes are theirs, alone, and my only care is that they succeed in living their authentic self. Giving to them is my motherly duty and I love them wholly. Their father and I chose to bring them into this world.

Now……
My happiness is no longer on the back burner. I continue to fight the "guilt guidelines" I was raised by to reach my personal goals in life and love.
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Opening this site is like an uncorking of a shaken champagne. It will be full of stories, ideas, misses and gains. Some will be raw and some may be cold. There is a line of nature vs nurture here. There is a line of faith vs religion here as well. I have met so many souls along this journey, so many have inspired me and so many have taught me lessons.

If this speaks to your soul and you can relate, or you completely disagree, respond to me. I only request that all remain respectful.

Love your self more today,
Stace